The Beginning

bright autumn leaves
takes me back
to that cool crisp day
as I watched you
so unaware
etching the perfect portrait
in my mind
of you
and the falling leaves
surrounding you
capturing a permanent

mental image

of being so in love..

Rutger 357 Magnum

On a beautiful fall day
There was a
Five Gallon Bucket
Filled with water
Sitting in front of a tree

My hands are steady
Looking at the red
Squeeze
1,2,3,4,5,6

On a beautiful fall day
Five Gallon Bucket
Filled with water
Sitting in front of a tree
A tree
with the bark missing in
1,2,3,4,5,6
places.......

Birthday Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,
44 years ago today
YOU brought me into this world,
Through the years
YOU have picked me up repeatedly
out of the mud
the pit of mud
that I seem so determined
to keep jumping in to!!

What a loving, forgiving God you are
for someone like me
who is so unworthy of YOUR saving grace!!
I am so blessed from the life you have given me!!!
44 years ago today
I was put here for a purpose
It is high time
I find out just what that purpose is
Please forgive me for the many mistakes
I have made
and the many sins I have committed!!!!
Thank you Lord

for not giving up on me!!!

Thank you
In Jesus name,
AMEN

Autumn

Waiting
for the
leaves of color
to dance quietly
and the crisp air
to kiss my skin
Knowing
through the viewfinder
I will see
My Girls
framed by
God's Beauty-
Family Fall Road Trip

deep into my heart

what will you find-

that is my question

eyes brown as chocolate

blue eyes like the ocean

straight brown hair

curly blonde hair

day

night

I am so in love-

My Two Daughters

Shedding tears of regrets

feeling so unworthy-

I hear CHILD I am still here!

I still LOVE you

Just let go and I will show you the way....

Just LET GO

Sitting in a chair
I look at the clock
Early morning
I am in my world
Numb at the moment
When I decide to check the time
Again
It is now late afternoon
I need to move
My mind screams at me
Get up!
I am in my world
I can not make myself move
Again
I check the time
I start to feel panic
Evening
I hear screaming in my head
GET UP!!
As the day goes from light to dark
I want to cry
Everything in my world is heavy
I can not will my arms and legs to move
Darkness has arrived
I get up
I go to bed
Knowing I have to work tomorrow
I have to get up
I have no choice
But in my mind
I am still frozen in my chair...

9882

Sleepless night with spinning mind
Watching you sleep
Thinking of all the years
I have been beside you
Waiting for the rocking chair and the grand kids......

(Rerun in Celebration of my 27th Anniversary Sept 8)

IN MY HEART
stands one small sign
CLOSED
due to emotional repair

Nothing

Entranced she watched you
suffering from a deja vu moment

caught in a endless time
She was mesmerized by memories
haunted by the pain
with images twisting and turning
Insanity waiting impatiently
to consume what little mind she had left
Every ounce of self respect was gone
and the warmth of her tears
brought little comfort to the emptiness inside
She wants to feel
She wants to feel nothing
Absolutely nothing
If only for a little while....

whisper pink
soft lacy cheek peek

with a preview sneak

making him weak-

Victoria's Secret

very sexy dare-
emotional pendulum
swaying back and forth

song plays in my car

bringing tears to my eyes-

unrequited longing

the brush of his hand

softly touches my arm-

fire in my veins

with strength of iron

and power of knowledge-

reverse is broken

morning sound returns

announcing summer's end-

big yellow school bus

The End to a Perfect Summer

I will always remember

our late night swimming in the pool,

our long 4 wheeler rides in the mountains,

the weekend in a cabin and

fishing on the river,

We played badminton with our grown kids

and laughed at memories of when they were young

We watched movies til early morning hours

and slept in the next day

I will always remember the summer of "09"

and the memories of the summer we met

Long ago...

As each summer passes

Our story ends another chapter of our lives

but we know it is just the end of a chapter

and the beginning of one that is waiting to be written...

Today is the later on

that he told her back then..

Tomorrow is the now

that he said would no longer happen...

The lady wants to know

BLACK or WHITE

Rollercoaster roll on WITHOUT me

Have you ever felt like you were on a rollercoaster in life? Just as that rollercoaster starts to slow down and you get ready to get off. Someone hits the fast button and your head slams against the back of the seat. I just want someone to push the stop button and let me off!!

Deja Vu

I closed the door,

you opened it up..

I locked the door,

you found the key..

I left the door open,

and you slammed it in my face...

I left the door closed,

and you tore it down....

The new door is up

and bolted tight...

You decided to leave it be,

and to leave it be,

and to leave it be....

I relaxed......
then I heard it,
a small knock

and it got louder,

and louder..

I opened the door

and there you stood..

Again

in the doorway of my heart.......

Years Gone By

A kiss so passionate

that my lips sting for moments.

The racing of my heart so strong

I can hear it.

I can feel your hand

as you run it through my hair.

I can hear your voice

whispering to me.

The look in your eyes,

the heat of your body,

still radiates through me

like lightning in a storm.

After all of this time,

You still take my breath away....

My Best Friend

You know all of my deep , dark secrets

You know all of my fears and worries

You know all of my likes and dislikes

You understand my moods,

You understand my emotions,

Never does a day go by

that you are not here for me

Never does a day go by,

that I can't cry on your shoulder

You listen with patience and understanding

You support every new adventure

that I take on,

Even though you wonder

why I choose certain things in my life,

or why I do not choose certain things in my life

You have never judged me,
or turned your back on me

YOU are the sister I never had....

sweetness touches my tongue

feel the burn inside of me-

caramel java

Summer was my MENTAL get away and got away I did.......But of course when you think you have got where you were going, you come across road construction. The same road you thought was finished....You know the guy, the one with the orange vest, who makes you to take the detour. The detour that sends you in the opposite direction of your destination....Stupid guy, with the stupid orange vest!

Hello Friends,
I am headed to the White River tomorrow for a few days . I plan on doing some trout fishing, swimming and spending quality time with my family. It is absolutely beautiful where we are going. Gorgeous Bluffs all around. Hope to get a lot of good pictures and do a little writing, a lot of relaxation time :) School starts back in a few weeks and I really need this to get mentally prepared for my kiddoes. Just wanted you to know I had not deserted your wonderful stories, photos, and poetry. I will catch up on it all when I get back. Love to each and everyone of you who visit my site and leave your wonderful comments. You are my blogging family who I am so happy to have come in contact with!!!


Hugs and Kisses,
Cindy

Rise up and feel the sun and the breeze

embrace you

as the sounds of nature

sings a song

Close your eyes and dive into

the cool water

as it kisses your skin

Let the water wash away the tears

and bring healing

to your ...

Broken Heart

light from the moon

reflects across the water-

night swimming

eyes meet on a hot, humid day

words are spoken in the present form..

one who listens with emotion

the other hears with regret..

this is the end of-

the unwritten story

eyes fly open

at the sounds of morning-

the barn dance

with lips tasting of rain

your touch as powerful as thunder

your breath whispers to me

like wind through the pines

remembering our-

silent storm

champagne bubbles

dance wildly in the bottle

your image appears

heart race, mind twirl

body tingle, quick breath

vivid fireworks

you are my -
panic attack

floating in water

watching the clouds pass by

I hear your voice,

whispering" I love you"

you are only in my dreams...

look above the trees

dark sky looks down

summer morning rain

Morning Stroll

One foot in front of the other

I know I can do this!

Slowly and steadily climbing

I am positive I can achieve my goal!

Each step difficult and painful

Focusing on the top of boy scout hill

I am almost to my destination

Then I finally see

My view of the rising sun....

I added 3 new photos to my photo blog, it has been awhile. Hopefully I can start to update daily :)

my eyes are closed
and the house is quiet-
writers block

rewind the clock

time filled with memories

the silent game

the glistening grass
softly whispers the wind-
morning dew

let go of the rain

sun sets behind the mountain

summer surprise

I hope to get back to poetry in the next few days. It is the end of the school year and so busy. I have just got back from our Arkansas State Special Olympics.. I am exhausted but had a wonderful time. It is so wonderful to watch and touches your heart so much!! Powerlifting is my favorite event, our kids train for it all year. Three of them took all gold and one all bronze, they have worked so hard and I am so proud of them!!! I hope everyone is doing well and I just wanted to share with you one of the things that is very special to me!!! Thanks to all who visits my site!!

the sun shines brightly

as the shadow starts to grow

barn raising

Depression

It is the first thing I think of when I wake up
and the last thing I think of when I go to sleep
It is in my dreams, in my mind, in my heart..
The world is passing by me as I am in my own world
not hearing, not seeing, just thinking....
I can not get away because it is everywhere I look...
Wondering how to break the cycle of my
Unhealthy Obsession.....

Forgotten

Time on the clock

stands still on Monday

memories of time

that never was-

secondhand broken....

Blessed

My phone rings
I look at the caller id to see who it is
Upon answering it
I hear "what are you doing"?
I give a response
and as we talk ,
I think about all of the talks we have had
and all the talks we will have
knowing that we are not getting any younger
I hear her say "Did you watch Grey's Anatomy last night"?
Then we proceed to talk about if Izzy will really die or not,
I laugh as we share a fun moment talking about one of our favorite shows
and I know that it is not only MY MOM, that I am listening to
She is also my best friend.....





I have a wonderful mom who has always been there for me and I love her with all my heart. I know how fortunate I am to have her and how very blessed my life has been because of her.
Happy Mother's Day to all of the women who has ever loved a child. Happy Mother's Day to anyone who has called someone MOM..

whisper softly

my heart flutters wild

tell me of life ahead

secure from the past

married hands

Broken

This feeling I have

the one that keeps taking me by surprise

This pain in my heart

the one that causes this overwhelming need to cry

The insanity in my mind

the one that makes me not sleep

I take all the pieces of my heart

and all the pieces of my mind

Putting the puzzle back together

thinking I have completed it

Then you walk by and knock it off the table

Now I am looking for the glue

to keep the pieces together

So when I fall

I will still be whole....

look with prying eyes

into the depth of my vision

and you will hear

the story that

can never be told....

alone in the shade

with arrogance and splendor-

single white iris

I am taking things from a poem I wrote earlier and trying my hand at these various forms of poetry....Let me know what you think..Thanks to all for your input and help, I enjoy it so much.....

rain on thirsty soil

water collects, puddles form

necessary tears.

Today's post is not poetry. It is questions to anyone who is willing to take on my simple mind.
I have read several of the post of my readers and ones that have been archived. I have read several of Andy's or Andrew as he is usually called. I have read Tangled in Wisteria. I have read Devika's and Magyar's as well. I love the haiku, but it is very new to me. I do not always understand it, but most of the time I get so much meaning from so few words. I know Andrew puts various labels, tanka being one and haiga. I have no idea what that means. I find it is better to be honest about not knowing things than to pretend to know something I do not. I would like to attempt some of these various forms of poetry. I am not sure I can do it, because I tend to get very wordy as you can see. I guess my question woud be .. Could you explain to me and give me some pointers on the various types? I am one who likes to just flow from the heart and mind, I am a free spirit. Thank you for all your help and your wonderful compliments. I am loving this new blogging adventure!!!

Alone with my Thoughts

No one is home and I am

Stretched out in my husbands recliner

covered by a soft warm blanket

wearing my sweats and fuzzy socks.

Reading a good book

under a small lamp

in my dark house..

My dog Oscar is asleep

in the floor.

Being all alone does not always mean being

LONELY....

Untouchable

Washing away the tears with silence

of a unsuspecting sadness

within the secret chambers

of my heart.....

Nature's Song

Through my window
The tree limbs are softly swaying
I only hear silence
Through my window
The birds are fighting over dinner at the feeders
I only hear silence
Through my window
The wind chimes are gently swinging
I only hear silence
Opening up my window
I only hear music......

Faith

They walked down the long winding road
Hand in hand
She stops ,turns, and looks behind her
He continues to look ahead
He takes her hand and pulls her in a direction she has never been.
She digs her heels in, fights to go back
to where she came from, scared to go on...
He calmly takes her in his arms and says
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday
Tomorrow is the day you are worrying about today
If you live for yesterday, and you worry about tomorrow
When did you live for today?
She looks at Him and starts to weep,
He smiles and says Dear Child, No matter what life brings you I will be there to pick you up,
dust you off, and send you in the right direction.
All you have to do is trust and believe in Me TODAY
and there will never be reason to worry about tomorrow!


Happy Easter everyone!!

Ticking Clock

Each day passes by
It becomes weeks
Weeks leave us quickly
It becomes months
Months become seasons
Seasons become years
Never too old to learn something new......

Slippery When Wet

Standing in the rain
Water streaming down my face
Puddles forming all around me
Necessary tears.....

Is Love Enough

40 plus years gone by
Now the the time stands still for a moment
Memories of childhood
Mine and theirs
Holidays with grandparents
Who have long been gone
All the memories with my mom and dad
Looking ahead to times to come
I watch my oldest daughter
celebrate her wedding anniversary
Knowing how much she wants children of her own
I watch my youngest fall in love
Knowing how much she thinks about her future
Cherishing the moments my girls have with my parents
Watching us all get older
Wishing I could slow down the time
I worry about all the mistakes I have made
Asking myself what kind of
daughter, granddaughter,wife and mom I have been
Wondering how my family would answer
Wondering if they know through all the changes
All the moods, that I love them with all my heart
Just wanting them to know I was trying to find me
Praying that my love was enough........

Start to Finish

Starting the story
Living the story
Ending the story
Telling the story
Coming full circle.....

Just Being ME

Painting anything
No design
Looking at the picture
I see me
Unusual, different
Just letting it flow over the canvas
Every word has meaning
Some say the same
Others say not
Colors in my mind
with words on the side
Feeling so free.....

Special Love

Watching the child in my classroom
Who is watching me
She turns her head slightly
Never taking her blue eyes off me
I put my my hands on my hips
She does the same
I laugh and walk over to her
She says HUG
I give her a hug and kiss her on the cheek
and I look into those eyes
Eyes I have looked into numerous times
over the last few years
I see the love for me in those eyes
I know she loves me as much as I do her
I often wonder what is going on in her mind
when she sees me
Wondering as she graduates
If in her mind she will remember me
and if she will miss me
We share a special bond
That started from the very beginning
We have had some very hard days together
Always managing to make it through
Just for a moment I would like to look through her eyes
See what she sees and feel what she feels
So that I could understand
Just for a moment I would like for her to see into my heart
And know that I love her as much as if she were my own....


Working in a special education classroom can be very tough, but the love I feel for these kids and the unconditional love they give me is the most rewarding job anyone could have. They are Gods Angels!! This young lady graduates this year and she is very, very dear to me...

Deep Quiet Satisfaction

Sitting in the dark rocking
I can hear the rain hitting the roof
and smell coffee brewing from the kitchen
I am completely enjoying my lazy Saturday morning
But with sadness I realize spring break is over
and with a thrill of excitement
I know summer is on the way.....

Fiction

Walking in the room she lays down her things
He looks up at her taking in what she wore
They say their hellos before talking about their night
As she turns to listen to him
Their eyes meet with unspoken words
He stands and leans close
whispering in her ear
She looks at him and smiles
She reaches up straightening his collar
and her breath quickens as he moves a strand of hair from her face
I read in her face the memory of
The Last Kiss
The Last Touch
Both of them so unaware
I just read their secret......

1982

When I think of summer
I think of you
Long warm days
Swimming in the creek
Getting to know your likes and dislikes
Listening to the stories about your brothers
Taking long drives in your 69 Ford pickup
I think back and remember the night we sat on the grass watching the fireworks
I felt so safe with your arms wrapped around me on that warm 4th of July night
That was the night I knew I had fallen in love with you
My husband of 26 years......

Flat Ground

Adrenalin flowing
Heart racing
Closing my eyes
Hanging on with all my strength
Holding my breath
Feel the fear
Feel the excitement
What turn is coming soon
Opening my eyes
Riding the roller coaster of life......

Struggle

I know what is in my mind
I know what is in my heart
Separating the two is the problem......

Two plus One equals Four

Two actors in a play
One person
Three characters in the story
Three people
Three members in the audience
Curtain closed
Six people in the theater
Many, many extras have come and gone
Two actors in a play
Same person
Two totally different people
One mind
Two people, one heart
Two people , two hearts
Added all together equals
insanity.........

Charlene

When I think of you I smile
I go back in time and I can hear your voice
I think of the thousands of beads, all the yarn, and how creative you were
I go in my kitchen and pick up a cookbook written by you
I laugh at the words that are not really words
But they are your words and the recipes you have created
Time passes and we have moved on with our lives
and I ache for all the things you have missed
the graduations, the weddings, the babies
When I take a look around
I see your face
I see your smile
I see your eyes
I see you in the man I love
I see you in both of my beautiful girls
I thank God for your three sons
and your six grandchildren
and your two great grandchildren
I thank God for you
If not for YOU, the family I love would not have had LIFE........

In loving memory of my mother- in- law Charlene Cowan Brown

February 8 1938 - March 7, 1999

Just One MInute

As I walk across the bridge
I listen to the waterfall in the distance
I breathe in the sweetness of the early spring air
Looking up at the mountains
I see the leaves turning green
Cherishing this moment with God's creation
Loving the peace and quiet
I feel the warmth of the sun on my face
Just for a minute
Just one minute
I closed my eyes and the noise in my classroom
Faded AWAY......

The Beginning after The Ending

Looking and looking and I still can not see
Watching and waiting for the dust to settle
Ducking and dodging the flying debris
Trying to be patient
Wondering and hoping the storm will end soon
Waiting to survey the damage
Wishing and praying it is about to end
Trying to be patient
As my vision starts to clear
and the storm is about to calm
with patience I know you and I made it.....

A New Day

I pick up the snow white canvas
and position it on the easel
As I take the brush and dip it into the paint
I watch the colors blend into the surface
I know I can use any color to cover the canvas
and as I paint it comes alive with emotion
The color dances with shadows and beauty
Giving me freedom to speak through my minds eye
I know as I paint if I make a mistake
That the magic of painting compares to life
Just pick up and start over............

The Word Is

I look at the words
which at one time made me smile
I read the words
which at one time would have made my day
I think about the words
which at one time I would have believed
But now when I listen to the words I read
and I absorb what they mean
Now I understand the thought of meaningless words......

Women

Through life we find friends
who will be with us from now on
and then there are those who just pass through our lives.
Circumstances bring people together,
some good , some bad,
and we always wonder why.
We feel our friends pain as they do ours, sometimes pain
and heartache is what causes us to find them.
We understand them because they are so like us,
with all the mistakes, sometimes huge ones ,
but through our friends
we can recover and grow and forgive,
knowing if we could go back in time
we would change things
or would we
that awful circumstance maybe
the reason we found each other.......

Finally

Sense of peace overcoming me
Calmness in a painted picture
Weight lifting off the page as the words are written
Focusing on my thoughts of color in nature
Feeling the air cover me like a soft blanket
Breathing slowly as my eyes shut
Having the knowledge of being ok........

Last Chapter

Creating drama and living it
A novel come to life
Feeling the rain on my face
As I watch the words in front of me
Grow with increasing suspicion
Unsettling thoughts with pain in tow
Is this the last chapter
Is the novel about to end
Closing the book with sadness and relief.

life

Sleepless night with spinning mind
Watching you sleep
Thinking of all the years
I have been beside you
Waiting for the rocking chair and the grand kids......

Heartsong

I breathe in the scent
I listen to the sound
Quietly breathing
Chest rising and falling
I can almost hear the heartbeat
Taste the kiss
Feel the touch of hands
Through a broken pane of glass.......